No you're not.
Yes. I'm happy.
Not really though.
I'm really truly happy! And I'm not having this conversation anymore.
Final answer and I shut her down.
But she's not my mom or my husband or my best friend. She's me. And I'm sick of having to convince her that we are happy.
On paper we're amazing. We define #blessed (most misused hash tag ever by the way.) The husband, the job, the kids. The life. But paper isn't ever perfect. We don't put on paper the little struggles or the fact we always allow them to become bigger than they’re worth. And we sure aren’t showing anyone the monsters that hover outside the perfect front door of our perfect house.
What if you get sick?
What if your kids get sick?
What if you loose your job?
What if you LOOSE IT ALL?
All those, could be, cant be, dear-Lord-please-don’t-let-it-it-be, fears that keep us from really truly experiencing happy.
See, You're afraid.
No I’m not.
Yes you are.
No I’m not.
Oh but you really are....
So we are. The first step is admitting it right? And now the struggle becomes will fear or happiness win?
The constant worry over the big things (though not big compared to those monsters that could be) always tend to choke out happy... health, finances, family.
And when we finally beat down the big fears the devil always discovers daily little ones to take their place... frustrations, comparisons, discontent.
Right as happy seems to settle in. When we've reached our goals, conquered enough fears to send those monsters to a different part of town, and been given all that we've wanted; we find something new to fear, something different to covet, something to make us believe we aren't actually happy.
But we are. You are.
Keep saying it. Then say it again, and again, and again…
Happiness is a daily decision. A wake up in the morning-write it down-sound it out-see its bright colors, decision!
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning... Lamentations 3:22-23 NIV
Fear on the other hand is easy. It takes no effort to roll out of bed and imagine the worst, open the door to the monsters that have been banging on your door all night keeping you awake. Worry is lazy and uninspired. And you, beautiful girl, are motivated and inspiring. Fear is not of you or of Him and it has no place in this perfect life you’ve worked so hard to create.
Happy can be hard work to begin with but it will never disappoint.
Remember all those hopes and dreams the Lord helped you realize? They were your path to happy. Getting there is part of what makes you so elated once it's over. (Think childbirth, college, getting a mortgage.) Now happy is the path, you just have to choose to keep on it. Every morning, recommit.
So keep telling her. We won't let fear win. We are amazing.
We. Are. Happy.
Kerstin Lindquist helps families speak openly about their struggles with infertility and adoption. An Emmy award winning broadcast news journalist and author of “5 Months Apart: A Story of Infertility, Faith and Grace,” Her first job is mom of three, but she spends a good portion of her time as an on air host at QVC.
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