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I may not be what you think I am

i may not be

Where on earth does the time go? I mean, didn't we just get out of school? And here we are again. Trying to squeeze every last drop out of the sunshine while struggling to wrap our brains around the thought of a schedule.

This summer has been one for the books. Between shipping thousands of planners, road trips, going to the beach, and staying up way too late, we've had a blast. But man, trying to be business owner slash the coolest mom in town is hard work. Who am I kidding? Just being a mom is hard work!

I constantly struggle with the guilt-trip I make up in my head. You're not good enough. You're destroying whatever is left of your poor children's childhood (or is it childhoods? I don't even know how to write words anymore). Who do you think you are? You don't know the first thing about running a business and you can't even keep your crap together! Read your own book, lady! Simplify!

But you know what? I don't have to be the cool mom and I certainly don't have to have my crap together. I'm the mom God chose for my kids. Not anyone else. He entrusted them to me and I have to trust Him in return. I have to remember that God gave me this and if I trust in Him and give myself grace, I can get through it.

I think the hardest part of seeing the fruit of God's promises and this business growing faster than I anticipated is knowing that people are watching. Whatever I write about, whatever my Instagram portrays, the way I choose to run my business, people are watching. And judging. And some people can be pretty unkind.

Trying to maintain what others think I am without being a fake is hard. You see, people think I’m this super organized, put-together, minimalist. I’m not! I’m so far from that. Sure, I’ve created tools to help people simplify and live on purpose. But only because that’s what I struggled with and a hurdle that I somewhat cleared, not because I have it all together. I’m still going through the motions every day. I still have to make lists and declutter and rein things in. Every week!

Here’s the deal. I may not be what you think I am, but I am one hundred percent sure that I am who God has called me to be. I’m growing every day. I’m recognizing my failures and successes and thanking God for each one. Every day, I take a step in the right direction. Whether that step is big or small depends on how much I’m actually relying on God. And when I fail, because I've tried to do things in my own power, I get up the next morning and try, try again.

I hope that's what you can do to. Learn to recognize where you need to change and grow. Make an effort to live intentionally. Forgive yourself when you don't.

We only have a few weeks left of summer and we are going to live it up. We’ll pack and ship orders as a family because that’s where we are right now. And then we’ll head to the beach and not leave until we have sun-scorched skin and salty hair. And there will be days that we stay in our pajamas all day and eat lots of junk food. And hopefully my kids will look back and think I was a pretty cool mom.

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