Writing and Wrestling

It's time. It's been far too long and I don't even know what to type, but I'm going for it. This may be by far the worst post you'll ever read from me because I really don't even know what I'm going to say.

Heck. I don't even know if I'll hit "publish."

When I woke up this morning I thought to myself, "It's time. Go write something."

But once again the to-do's got in the way and now I've been up for 5 hours and I'm just starting.

Thanks to Carlos Whittaker's post that I stumbled upon just a bit ago, I think I know what my problem is.

I've been wrestling.

I was waltzing and life was grand. And it's not really that it's bad right now. Maybe that's the problem. It's just mediocre. Not good. Not bad. Just there. And there's where I get lost.

I keep reaching out for and wrestling with God. Wondering what to write and not having the right words, when actually it's Him who gives me the words. So why am I even trying?

Why do I do this?

Why do WE do this to ourselves?

I guess it's part of the dance. My humanness would much rather just waltz through life, me and Jesus. No hiccups. But if that were the case I would never really know His worth. I wouldn't grasp the need for Him if I wasn't hanging on for dear life.

And I wouldn't feel His grace that is holding me now.

Knowing I am perfect in His sight. Knowing I will never do "enough" to earn this. I just need to accept it. To rest in it.

And we begin to waltz again.