It was the spring of 2006 when I found myself sprawled out on the floor of my four-year-old daughter’s bedroom, crying out to God for more. It wasn’t more things or more money that I wanted in my life, but more of Jesus Himself to fill in the gaps of the purpose-shaped hole in my heart. Chasing the American Dream had turned out to be nothing but an endless sprint on a hamster wheel bound for nowhere; an unattainable quest that had left me exhausted and drained. I had so much, yet I was so empty.
My husband, Ryan, and I met in high school and married at the ripe ol’ age of nineteen. We joined hands and trotted off together toward the land of Supposed To. We bought a house and filled it with three babies, just like we were Supposed To Do. We loved our growing family and worked hard to provide Everything We Were Supposed To Have. We had All The Things, but those things came with unsatisfied expectations. We knew it wasn’t the acquisition of things that we were created for, but for so much more. We needed purpose, and this realization sent me to my knees on my daughter’s bedroom floor that morning in 2006. We needed to get out of the land of Supposed To.
My Come to Jesus moment set me off on a seven-year Tug-o-War for more. More work. More play. More Jesus. More More More. As I would gain ground in one area, I’d lose it in another as something would pull me away from what I was accomplishing. Wasn’t this what God wanted for me? What He’d created me to do? Why, then, wasn’t everything falling into place as it should?
Because it was me who had a hold of the rope. And until I handed that rope over to God, things were not going to change.
In 2013, my daughter and I attended the Hillsong Coulour Conference, a life-giving, encouraging, and inspiring experience. It was here that I finally realized my life was not my own and neither was it’s vision. I had found my purpose: to let go of the rope and follow God’s lead wherever it took me.
I believe that each and every person was created for a specific purpose. Recognizing that is the easy part; it’s the living it out that gets tricky. Even today, I know I don’t have all the answers and I don’t need to, because I no longer dwell in the land of Supposed To. I still have a family to care for, laundry to wash, children to educate, a husband to love, friendships to nurture, and a church family to serve…but understanding my role as a Christ-follower has made all the difference, giving me purpose beyond what I could ever create for myself.
If you're ready to step into your God-given purpose, I want to help you on that journey. Join our community and live your life on purpose.
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